You know that feeling of exhilaration when you have the windows down, hair blowing all over the place, singing at the top of your lungs and life just feels good? You know…when it doesn’t matter which route you take, and hitting a red light just means one more song to get your groove on. Do you remember that feeling when it wasn’t so important to get there fast because you were truly just enjoying the ride and enjoying the company…and maybe nothing was that pressing anyways?
This makes me think of my college and early married days. I have so many awesome memories laughing and singing with friends. Sometimes I miss it…those carefree days. I feel like I used to be a lot more fun. But really, does growing up mean that those days are over or does it just mean I have to be more intentional about it? Maybe it’s the stage of life that I’m in right now with two small children, or maybe it’s my personality, but when I become focused on life I tend to forget to go with the flow … I get stuck. I have to get to point A, and then to point B and I get so focused on getting there in good time, being a good mom, being a good spouse, being a good friend and preparing for what’s coming up next that I forget to take advantage of or see the opportunities for fun moments… moments with my family, moments with my hubby, moments I can sneak a minute alone, moments where I could be rolling down the windows and singing at the top of my lungs instead of cursing the traffic.
Last week I met up with some girlfriends…on a week night… for drinks and a late movie. I know! Woah. Starting something past 7pm makes me feel like I’m living on the wild side. Seriously, when did I become so old!? Anyways, maybe it was the movie and it’s hilarious absurdity/part truths, or maybe it was being out way past my lame bedtime, but I rolled my windows down and blasted my “upbeat” station on Pandora for my 5 minute drive home. And then instead of pulling into my driveway and being predictable, I just kept driving. I mean…what’s a girl supposed to do when “Hey Ya!” by Outkast is followed by “The Middle” by Jimmy Eat World…TOTAL blast from the past! But seriously, this felt huge for me in this weird small way. For a split second as I drove away from my house I thought, “maybe I should turn back, this is selfish…a deer could jump out, I could get into an accident, who knows what would happen, and all just to enjoy some music and time to myself…I’m totally putting myself at risk.” and then I thought…”what the hell!?? When did I become so ruled by fear? When did it become selfish to take 30 minutes to myself? When did I stick myself in this box of what I can and cannot do or be because I’m a mom? wife? friend? Why do I live with such ridiculous thoughts controlling me?” I mean, reeeally! So I pushed those irrational ideas aside and I drove with the windows down and I sang at the top of my lungs, and danced in my seat…. and may or may not have put my arm out the window and tried that ridiculous hand wave/surfing/grooving thing because I’ve never done it… it felt dumb and I laughed at myself! It was kind of fun just hanging out with me for a bit.