Happy Anniversary My Love

I woke up this morning, rolled out of bed groggy and a little bit annoyed because the littlest one woke up an hour early….I made a bottle, sat on the couch to feed him like it was any other Monday. I look at my phone…Facebook memories…let’s see what we have today… 

Chastain Wedding Photo…a wedding photo…

Oh, it’s our anniversary! I mean…I knew it was coming up and we agreed that we wouldn’t do anything today since we’re going California for a wedding later this month…

But I woke up this morning and didn’t even think about it. Now that may seem normal to some, or sad to others (I used to be in the latter group) but today it feels totally OK.

In the past I’d try my best not to have unrealistic expectations and I’d fail and end up totally bummed about this or that…(it was kind of my trademark). But over the last year or two I’ve been working on having REALISTIC expectations so that I can enjoy the real-life moments happening right in front of me. And I know that I’ve been slowly doing better, it takes time…

But today…today I surprised myself. I woke up with no expectations and I think I know why… Because I’m happy.

Because, all those years of having unrealistic expectations on us, all those years of feeling like if this or that was different, if we had different personalities, if, if, if…then I would be happier and content. That was crap.There are probably multiple factors here (health, business, season), but the deepest reason that I woke up happy and expectation free is that I am taking responsibility for my life, for my happiness, for my choices. I’m not blaming others. And I’m forgiving, accepting and loving myself. That feels good.

I tend to write when I need to process or when life feels hard so it seems almost odd to write this, but…

I feel more secure in our marriage, more confident in our love, connection and goals than ever before. This wasn’t always so…not because of lack of love or trust, but because it takes time to grow into deep love, because I had to get past unrealistic expectations I set on my husband, and on myself, that prevented me from accepting and loving exactly who we are together, and our differences.

I’m happier than I’ve ever been, I feel like my expectations are realistic, I’m being challenged. I feel like Nate knows me well enough to push me, encourage me and support me in ways that I need…this is huge for me!

It feels so good to be happy, to be inspired and passionate about things, and working as a team with my husband. It feels good to be letting the little things go. It feels good to accept that life is a little crazy with two sons. It feels good to know that I will most likely deal with depression again in my life but that it won’t last forever.

That’s why I woke up and wasn’t focused on this being a “big” day…because while it is, I know that this day/date/anniversary itself is not going to be a pivotal moment that defines our love or my happiness. This day is another small step towards love, another step towards our future, another step towards our hopes and dreams. And God willing, we will have many more of these days ahead of us!

Anniversary 2016

Nate, thank you for being patient with me.. Thank you for pushing and encouraging me when I’m stifled by fear. Thank you for being an incredible father to our sons. Thank you for being on my team. Thank you for loving me.

Here’s to the rest of our lives!



3 thoughts on “Happy Anniversary My Love

  1. Bruce Plympton says:

    Happy Anniversary to both of you. You’re soooo far ahead of where I was at your age. You’re a great couple for each other and what a great family you have. I love you guys. Keep discovering the life secrets you’re finding! Praying for you always, love you! 😘


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