Today I love that my floor is covered in wooden trivets, that at the other corner of the kitchen my son is pulling cutting boards out of the cupboard and neatly stacking them in a pile (he's so smart). I love that he has pulled all of the spoons out of the dishwasher and attempted to put them back unsuccessfully.
"And I’d want to say:
How was my day? Today has been a lifetime. It was the best of times and the worst of times. There were moments when my heart was so full I thought I might explode, and there were other moments when my senses were under such intense assault that I was CERTAIN I’d explode. I was both lonely and absolutely desperate to be alone. I was saturated- just BOMBARDED with touch and then the second I put down this baby I yearned to smell her sweet skin again. I was simultaneously bored out of my skull and completely overwhelmed with so much to do. Today was too much and not enough. It was loud and silent. It was brutal and beautiful. I was at my very best today and then, just a moment later, at my very worst. At 3:30 today I decided that we should adopt four more children, and then at 3:35 I decided that we should give up the kids we already have for adoption. Husband – when your day is completely and totally dependent upon the moods and needs and schedules of tiny, messy, beautiful rug rats your day is ALL OF THE THINGS and NONE OF THE THINGS, sometimes within the same three minute period. But I’m not complaining. This is not a complaint, so don’t try to FIX IT. I wouldn’t have my day Any.Other.Way. I’m just saying- it’s a hell of a hard thing to explain- an entire day with lots of babies.
But I’d be too tired to say all of that. So I’d just cry, or yell, or smile and say “fine,” and then hand the baby over and run to Target to wander aisles aimlessly, because that’s all I ever really wanted."
I have never read such a spot on description of how I often feel…and I only have one!
It's amazing how reading someone else's words can help me process how and why I feel a certain way, and somehow make it easier to accept. I'm not sure if that makes any sense at all. Honestly, some days I feel like I'm still learning to embrace motherhood and not run from it. Reading that article helped me see that I'm not completely crazy (or alone)…and that I truly CAN be thinking and feeling so many things at the same time…and that it's normal and ok.